Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I once saw something flying that I could not identify as an object. What do you call that anyway?

* * UPDATE * *
Thanks to ed the roman who suggested it might be an Unidentified Flying Subject or Verb, I have my final answer. What we had was an Unidentified Flying Part of Speech. or UFPOS.

Friday, April 18, 2008

New form of "Reincarnation Therapy" in Holland.

From the story:

THE HAGUE, 12/04/08 - The municipality of Maastricht has pressurised unemployed people to follow reincarnation therapy. Uncooperative welfare recipients were told that their attitude could have consequences for their allowance, local newspaper De Limburger reported Friday.

The Social Services, which grants allowances and attempts to get recipients back to work, urged at least one unemployed resident of Maastricht to accept the guidance of a reincarnation therapist. Returning' to a previous life, would supposedly help them regain their balance and enhance their chances of finding work.

I must say I applaud this measure of allowing clients to return to previous lives: to supplement the form of reincarnation therapy already in force in Holland--speeding them on to the next one.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

"i" before "e"

Weird is not so weird; we're surfeited with exceptions.

* * UPDATE * *
I'm an idiot.

Monday, April 07, 2008


One of the great losses to our civilization has been the slow dismantlement since the end of the Middle Ages of our language of symbolism. Beginning with a perhaps laudable desire to hear thing spoken plainly and to see things as they are, it ends with the death of a common poesy and with that the irrecoverable loss of the beauteous sense of the connectedness of all created things.

In an effort to contain just a small portion of the sweet water of our shared metaphor in that leaky bucket of civil society's now rapidly deteriorating conventions, I here insert the stopper of a few of our audible and visible symbols along with their respective meanings.

The quick (quarter second) toot on the horn of my '98 Chervrolet Cavalier automobile just means "Hello!".

The more insistent half-second honk of the horn means, "Notice: I'm here!"

The horn blast longer than one half second means, "You, driver of a '07 Nissan Altima are doing something I find to be quite odious and I think you should come to terms with that fact and cease your repellent behavior at once."

Here with experience you may gauge the level of offensiveness of the driver's act by the sound's duration.

The extended single middle finger of an automobile's pilot displayed prominently against the inside right hand front window of a '07 Nissan Altima means: "cricket, you're number one in my books. Thank you for pointing out my errors and helping me to become a safer and more considerate driver. Godspeed!"

Friday, April 04, 2008


You know what they don't pack into cans like sardines anymore?


Today I opened a can and they were swimming laps.

About Me

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I'd be a blackguard and a cad, if I weren't so ineffectual. The less said "About Me", the better.